COMEDIC SCENE: ‘CINAMADNESS: OR WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT SYRIA?’

[It’s sad to me that this scene is 2+ years old and most North Americans still don’t know what’s going on in Syria.]

Cinamadness

Andrew Thorp

8.24.13 (version 1)

Lights up on Chuck and Sejan sitting on opposite sides of a table.

CHUCK:

And welcome back to Cina­Madness, where we discuss Hollywood today. I’m Chuck White with

special guest, Sejan Patjab, all the way from our sister company, Movie Madness Europe.

Sejan, Ben Affleck was just announced as the next Batman in the ‘Man of Steel’ sequel. Now,

you know how much this enrages me being a huge fan of the Batman story and character. That

Warner Brothers think they can hit us over the head with such a poor casting move makes me

want to sneak into each executive’s house while they are sleeping and eat their young fat babies.

Your thoughts?

SEJAN:

I can’t agree more, Chuck. It’s as if the guys over at Warner are trying to pull a Syria on us by

spreading poisonous gas on innocent people while other countries look the other way. What do

we have to do as a nation, to stand up against these evil cowards that take the easy route every

time?

Sean enters

SEAN:

And cut. Great job Chuck. Sejan, you got to lose the Syrian stuff. None of our viewers are going

to know what you are talking about.

SEJAN:

Everyone knows what I’m talking about. It’s Syria.

CHUCK:

I had no idea things were so intense in South America. Do I have any fly­aways?

(Chuck checks hair in hand mirror)

SEAN:

See what I’m saying?

SEJAN:

I stand corrected.

SEAN:

OK, We will pick up on Sejan’s first line. Chuck, give him a lead in. Quiet on set. Action.

CHUCK:

And eat their young fat babies. Your thoughts?

SEJAN:

You hit the nail on the head Chuck. American audiences want to see a darker, more tortured

Batman, not some one­note actor like Affleck.

CHUCK:

I couldn’t agree more. Switching topics, Breaking Bad cast member Anna Gunn wrote an article

in The New York Times expressing her opinions on some of the hate mail and social media

attacks on her character Skylar from the popular TV drama. If she already wasn’t one of the

most hated actresses presently on screen because of her cold­hearted character, her article will

definitely strike a nerve and make people despise her even more. American audiences don’t

want to hear actors’ opinions from the atop a soapbox, we want good cinema and that’s it.

SEJAN:

These pivotal and flawed female characters really do rile up viewers time and again. Maybe it’s

because we expect female characters to be patient, family focused and ready to stand behind

their male counterparts no matter what. Benazir Bhutto was criticized for possessing these

characteristics and she was trying to bring Democracy to a people that were destroyed by

military rule in many ways. For Skylar to want to-

SEAN:

-Cut! Sejan, we’re taking it back. Bhutto? This isn’t CNN, buddy.

SEJAN:

I’m sure Americans are well aware of Benazir Bhutto, Sean. She was in a lot of US interviews

and-

CHUCK:

­ She was the one with the big rack right?

SEJAN:

I’m not sure.

CHUCK:

See, Europeans don’t know everything, Sean. Faulty depth perception to boot.

SEJAN:

I’ll dumb it down.

SEAN:

Thanks. Quiet on set, Cameras rolling. Taking it back to Sejan’s reaction. And Action.

SEJAN:

These pivotal and flawed female characters really do rile up viewers time and again. Like Sonia

Gandhi ­

SEAN:

­ Nope

SEJAN:

­ Like Hilary Clinton-

CHUCK:

­ She still alive?

SEJAN:

­ Like the big­busted Real Housewife of Miami-

CHUCK:

­Adrianna. Now, we are talking ­

SEJAN:

Like, Adrianna, she just might be a bit misunderstood in a world of idiots.

CHUCK:

Amen, Brutha!

(Lights)