Transfer Request Letter Template

Transfer Request Letter Template

As I wrote a request to transfer my job outside of the country for a few years, I realized there may be a majority of the population who might like some help a drafting that email. So, I wrote a template that may help you avoid some horrible years to come.

Transfer Request Letter Template

Firstname Lastname

Title

Company

Address

City, State, Zip

Date

Dear Ms. (Lastname),

You may know me as our company’s (job position) but I’m also in the majority (according to the popular vote) of United States citizens who care for people of all races, religions and nations and am someone who believed in our Democracy.

I am writing to request your consideration of a transfer from my position at (Company Name) to a similar position at the (Company Name) located anywhere in Canada. Below, I believe I have successfully pointed out some criteria that supports my request.

My transfer would lead to a lower healthcare premium for (Company Name): Starting January 20th, 2017, I expect my health to decline rapidly due to severe depression and extreme anger. I foresee being in and out of the therapy for at least four years, which may lead to an increase in the company’s healthcare premium. A transfer to our Canadian organization will help stave off the fear and resentment I now have for most Americans, which would lead to an increase in my healthcare costs.

Productivity at my current location will plummet unless transferred: Studies show living in a warzone can stifle work performance. With the expected increase in animosity between Americans of various genders and races as a result of our chosen leader, I’ll find it difficult to meet quotas while dodging pipe bombs, avoiding Ku Klux Klan parade traffic and sprinting from ‘Patriots’ taking immigration laws into their own hands with bats and guns.

The Canadian market will be ripe for new business: While the United States undoubtedly falls back into a deep recession after re-implementing the flawed ‘Trickle Down Economics’ that President Asshat Reagan put forth, Canada will not be as affected by the elected Orange Monster’s (still vague) economic plans but will have actual currency to purchase our (company’s product).  

I will be able to broaden our customer base with the proposed transfer: Drumpf’s changes in United States import/export policies added to his repeated offensive racist remarks will assure no outside countries will want to work with an American company for years to come. We may be able to bypass foreign country’s justified hate and ridicule if we highlight our Canadian characteristics.

With a transfer, I will not need to use PTO while in jail: Continuing in my efforts to work within the United States while being governed by a reality star with no political experience would produce levels of rage in me that could only be exorcised by attending anti-Trump rallies and complaining about our government at all costs. I predict freedom of speech will be outlawed in the coming months, around the same time a wall is built and we go to war with countries to steal their oil. Spending time in jail for my actions would lead to missed deadlines and conflict with my attending weekly meetings.

I am enclosing my updated resume for your review. Thank you for your consideration and assistance in this matter. If you need any additional information about the horror I would like to avoid between 2017-2020, please contact me.

Sincerely,

Your Signature

Your Typed Name

firstnamelastname@email.com

555-555-5555

Love In 90 Minutes Is In Full Swing!

Love In 90 Minutes Is In Full Swing!
THORPEDO PRODUCTIONS and STAGE 773 are in full swing for our latest production!
If you’re in Chicago and want to Laugh at Love and drink some fancy love-themed cocktails, this is the place to be! Tickets are avail here.
FEBRUARY 3 – FEBRUARY 24 | $12 – $15

Explore the many facets of Love in a theatrical journey with Thorpedo Productions. Stories of love, lovers and love gone wrong are scripted and performed for you by some of Chicago’s most talented up-and-coming actors, writers and directors. Stop in early to grab a love-inspired cocktail from Stage 773’s full bar.

Featuring: Amanda Carson, Nathaniel Fishburn, Andrew Kudla, Matthew Lunt, Priya Mohanty, Cassidy Rose Morey and Neil O’Callaghan. Co-directed by: Tara Baron, Lisa Lennington, Kit Rivers and Andrew Thorp

Rule 34’s Live Podcast Party

Rule 34’s Live Podcast Party

Rule 34 is back and more live than ever! We covered X-Files last week and are talking Star Trek tomorrow night! Grab tickets here.

The Rule 34 podcast is hosted by four Chicago comedians who explore the world of fetishes, porn and internet sexiness. Enjoy a live show on Saturdays at Midnight through February. Created by Rob Holmes, Lisa Lennington, Judson Russel and Andrew Thorp.

Keep updated and check out archived episodes here: ­http://rule34.podbean.com/

Genetically Modified Foods Debuting in 2017

Genetically Modified Foods Debuting in 2017

Genetically Modified Foods Debuting in 2017

By Andrew Thorp

Fish-Flesh-Doubler8may02

Acne-Fighting Beefsteak Tomatoes

Self-tanning Mini Carrots

Kale for Social Anxiety

Banana-Flavored Fava Beans

Fava Bean-Flavored Bananas

Banana-Flavored Plantains

Sleep Replacement Rice

Antibiotic Salmon Patties

Cilantro For Fibromyalgia-Sufferers

Peanuts For Hair Growth (Pregnant women or women planning to give birth at any time in their lives should not touch peanuts with hands)

Bigger grapes