The Surge For A Better World: 4 Surges That Make Sense

We’ve all felt the pain of Uber’s ‘Surging’ prices during rush-hours and rainfalls. While Uber’s inflated fees may drive your blood-pressure through the Camry’s roof, the idea of surge-pricing could be used for good! Check out my proposed surge add-ons that would make life easier for most of us.

The Drunken Surge – Your friend drank too many douche-bombs and is annoying bar patrons. To counter your Frat bro’s antics, bars should enforce a Drunk Surge and charge drinking timebombs every minute they overstay their welcome telling offensive jokes and crop-dusting the place. The extra cash can be used to buy a round for the perturbed normals as they rejoice at Biff’s exit.

Starbucks Surge -You’ve been waiting in line for 5 minutes as the lady in front of you barks her 20-ingredient order while screaming at a kid from her bluetooth headset. Starbucks should add a two buck Surge on top of her 10 buck coffee and maybe she’ll keep her next visit shorter…and quieter.

No-Tip Surge – Refuse to throw the Domino’s driver a couple bucks or the baseball beer vendor a tip? If service was adequate, you deserve to be flagged with a No-tip Surge that dings you every time you don’t pay up. Employees that expect tips get paid jack hourly and live off that tip money. Totally Surge-worthy.

Comcast On-Hold Surge – If you’ve been staring at a blank tv screen for ten-plus minutes with Comcast on-hold music blaring in your right ear that’s made you question what you’re doing with your life, Comcast should immediately credit you $5 in Com-cash for each additional minute. It doesn’t make up for the damage they’ve caused your soul, but it may help you splurge on that HBO subscription you’ve been eying.

Am I missing one? Comment on this post with other surge-worthy items and help change the world! 

Published by Thorpedo Productions

Thorpedo Productions is a Chicago-centric comedy production house offering live sketch, improv and stand-up shows as well as TV, film and digital shorts. If you would like more information or to book Thorpedo Productions, email KingFit Training is a Chicago-based personal training and boxing training service with access to gyms, in-home training and more.

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