‘LOVE in 90 Minutes’ Looking for Writing Submissions!

Thorpedo Productions is PUMPED to announce we are looking for writers for an upcoming run every Wednesday at 8pm in February at Stage 773 for ‘LOVE in 90 Minutes’. Read the details below and be part of the story on our Facebook page – https://www.facebook.com/lovein90minutes

Do you have a 5-15 minute play, monologue or scenic piece with the theme of LOVE you’d like premiered in Chicago? Great News! Thorpedo Productions is producing ‘LOVE in 90 Minutes’ at Stage 773 on Wednesdays at 8pm in February and we want to see your piece! ‘Love in 90 Minutes’ aims at showing the many faces of love – funny, sad, happy, insane and everything in the middle. Send over your PDF-formatted script to Thorpedoproductions@gmail.com by November 20th and, if selected, we will supply a director and actors to produce your piece. We will email you by December 5th if your piece is selected and save you a seat! Feel free to email for more information.

COMEDIC SCENE: ‘CINAMADNESS: OR WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT SYRIA?’

[It’s sad to me that this scene is 2+ years old and most North Americans still don’t know what’s going on in Syria.]

Cinamadness

Andrew Thorp

8.24.13 (version 1)

Lights up on Chuck and Sejan sitting on opposite sides of a table.

CHUCK:

And welcome back to Cina­Madness, where we discuss Hollywood today. I’m Chuck White with

special guest, Sejan Patjab, all the way from our sister company, Movie Madness Europe.

Sejan, Ben Affleck was just announced as the next Batman in the ‘Man of Steel’ sequel. Now,

you know how much this enrages me being a huge fan of the Batman story and character. That

Warner Brothers think they can hit us over the head with such a poor casting move makes me

want to sneak into each executive’s house while they are sleeping and eat their young fat babies.

Your thoughts?

SEJAN:

I can’t agree more, Chuck. It’s as if the guys over at Warner are trying to pull a Syria on us by

spreading poisonous gas on innocent people while other countries look the other way. What do

we have to do as a nation, to stand up against these evil cowards that take the easy route every

time?

Sean enters

SEAN:

And cut. Great job Chuck. Sejan, you got to lose the Syrian stuff. None of our viewers are going

to know what you are talking about.

SEJAN:

Everyone knows what I’m talking about. It’s Syria.

CHUCK:

I had no idea things were so intense in South America. Do I have any fly­aways?

(Chuck checks hair in hand mirror)

SEAN:

See what I’m saying?

SEJAN:

I stand corrected.

SEAN:

OK, We will pick up on Sejan’s first line. Chuck, give him a lead in. Quiet on set. Action.

CHUCK:

And eat their young fat babies. Your thoughts?

SEJAN:

You hit the nail on the head Chuck. American audiences want to see a darker, more tortured

Batman, not some one­note actor like Affleck.

CHUCK:

I couldn’t agree more. Switching topics, Breaking Bad cast member Anna Gunn wrote an article

in The New York Times expressing her opinions on some of the hate mail and social media

attacks on her character Skylar from the popular TV drama. If she already wasn’t one of the

most hated actresses presently on screen because of her cold­hearted character, her article will

definitely strike a nerve and make people despise her even more. American audiences don’t

want to hear actors’ opinions from the atop a soapbox, we want good cinema and that’s it.

SEJAN:

These pivotal and flawed female characters really do rile up viewers time and again. Maybe it’s

because we expect female characters to be patient, family focused and ready to stand behind

their male counterparts no matter what. Benazir Bhutto was criticized for possessing these

characteristics and she was trying to bring Democracy to a people that were destroyed by

military rule in many ways. For Skylar to want to-

SEAN:

-Cut! Sejan, we’re taking it back. Bhutto? This isn’t CNN, buddy.

SEJAN:

I’m sure Americans are well aware of Benazir Bhutto, Sean. She was in a lot of US interviews

and-

CHUCK:

­ She was the one with the big rack right?

SEJAN:

I’m not sure.

CHUCK:

See, Europeans don’t know everything, Sean. Faulty depth perception to boot.

SEJAN:

I’ll dumb it down.

SEAN:

Thanks. Quiet on set, Cameras rolling. Taking it back to Sejan’s reaction. And Action.

SEJAN:

These pivotal and flawed female characters really do rile up viewers time and again. Like Sonia

Gandhi ­

SEAN:

­ Nope

SEJAN:

­ Like Hilary Clinton-

CHUCK:

­ She still alive?

SEJAN:

­ Like the big­busted Real Housewife of Miami-

CHUCK:

­Adrianna. Now, we are talking ­

SEJAN:

Like, Adrianna, she just might be a bit misunderstood in a world of idiots.

CHUCK:

Amen, Brutha!

(Lights)

Short Horror Film – The Compatriots

With Halloween on the horizon and immigration debates stirring, I wrote a short horror film motivated by some ‘interesting’ North Americans on the border trying to stop Mexican citizens from crossing into the US. It’s half in Spanish, so you may want to open your Google translator, if you’re not fluent. I’ll be posting a ‘Merican version next week if you want all English.
 
Thanks, Miguel Lepe Jr. and Ruby Vega Lepe for fixing my horrible dialogue!
See the script here – http://bit.ly/1gszZFA

4 WAYS TO TAKE BACK CHICAGO THE CORPORATE WAY

On Aug 1, Chicago demanded big chain stores do away with plastic bags to give bruised and beaten Mother Nature a fighting chance. Instead of finding new ways to help customers transport goods in an eco-friendly manner, companies like Jewel, Target and Walgreens switched to “reusable” plastic bags that use way more plastic than the now-banned variety. Changing consumers’ habits won’t be so easy, however, leading to thicker bags in our landfills. Take that, global warming! Learning a lesson from our corporate friends, I have laid out a few other ways we can buck the system when the annoying government tries to make the world a better place.

shark

Let’s Make Lake Monsters – For the last few years, Chicago has been freaking out by the possible infestation of puny Asian Carp in Lake Michigan. The powers-that-spend plan on using chemicals and electric barriers to stave off the destructive fish. Let’s stop throwing money at passive defense measures and start using our fist-fins! A genetically mutated shark-like freshwater fish can’t be too hard to whip up, right? Let’s design it with big teeth and a nose for carp – problem solved (just watch out for your toes).

Pothole Solutions – Winter is around the windy corner and people are sure to start asking the government to fix potholes again. Instead of covering up the problem, let’s embrace the Pothole and toss some pigeon food in the concrete craters. With the holes soon to be packed with smushed pigeons to ease your bumpy ride, we just ‘two-birds-one-holed’ it at a fraction of the asme_canephalt!

Grandpa The Gangbanger – Enough overtime for cops battling gang violence – let’s FINALLY show gangs that we are done taking their shit and distribute guns, knives and cane-swords to Chicagoans over 65. Our tough-as-nails senior citizens fear death less than their drug-dealing counterparts and probably are a little crazier to boot. G-splash and Tony the Tickler will think twice the next time they try a drive-by next to an old folks home.

chicago_architecture_foundation_river_cruise_chica-4

Tax-spress Yourself – Cook County is about raise Chicago’s sales tax again in 2016! That $1 pack of gum just became too pricey. Let’s hike taxes up even more and scare off those pesky tourists. We’ll finally reclaim Michigan Avenue and be able to get a seat on the once-crowded architecture boat cruise!

The Surge For A Better World: 4 Surges That Make Sense

We’ve all felt the pain of Uber’s ‘Surging’ prices during rush-hours and rainfalls. While Uber’s inflated fees may drive your blood-pressure through the Camry’s roof, the idea of surge-pricing could be used for good! Check out my proposed surge add-ons that would make life easier for most of us.

The Drunken Surge – Your friend drank too many douche-bombs and is annoying bar patrons. To counter your Frat bro’s antics, bars should enforce a Drunk Surge and charge drinking timebombs every minute they overstay their welcome telling offensive jokes and crop-dusting the place. The extra cash can be used to buy a round for the perturbed normals as they rejoice at Biff’s exit.

Starbucks Surge -You’ve been waiting in line for 5 minutes as the lady in front of you barks her 20-ingredient order while screaming at a kid from her bluetooth headset. Starbucks should add a two buck Surge on top of her 10 buck coffee and maybe she’ll keep her next visit shorter…and quieter.

No-Tip Surge – Refuse to throw the Domino’s driver a couple bucks or the baseball beer vendor a tip? If service was adequate, you deserve to be flagged with a No-tip Surge that dings you every time you don’t pay up. Employees that expect tips get paid jack hourly and live off that tip money. Totally Surge-worthy.

Comcast On-Hold Surge – If you’ve been staring at a blank tv screen for ten-plus minutes with Comcast on-hold music blaring in your right ear that’s made you question what you’re doing with your life, Comcast should immediately credit you $5 in Com-cash for each additional minute. It doesn’t make up for the damage they’ve caused your soul, but it may help you splurge on that HBO subscription you’ve been eying.

Am I missing one? Comment on this post with other surge-worthy items and help change the world!